Friends in Foreign Places

This past weekend was our first weekend with no school orientation trips planned for us to attend. I still can't believe that we've barely been here for three weeks since we moved in! It feels like so much has happened since the beginning of the semester. I've made new friends, lost some, gained a few more, and found my own little niche in this foreign environment I now call home.

I realized that I shouldn't hold onto anything so firmly. I should let people, plans, and expectations come and flee as they please. For example, there is this girl who I have been friends with since the freshman year of college. Soon after we had arrived in Italy, her attitude towards me changed. I would say something and she would meticulously dissect a statement in order to extract any morsel of fault she could find. Countless times she would patronizingly tell me to be quiet when she, herself, would speak in the same volume as I was.

At first, I thought that the little quips she would make towards me were just due to jet lag or whatnot. However, after the first week or so, I realized that she was intentionally condescending towards me. I finally snapped at her when she tried to start an argument about some insignificant detail. I tried to calmly reason with her at first, but as she continued to poke and prod me, I proceeded to say, "You know what, I don't give a damn." She responded with, "Woah. Woah," and walked away as if she didn't understand why I had snapped at her. She came back an hour later to apologize then walked away when I tried to apologize and explain why I had snapped at her. I've tried starting conversations with her since then, but she would merely reply with one-word responses. Also, in the most recent instances where we'd encounter one another in the hallways she would coldly look away.

I realized that I do not need to trouble myself with such people. I've asked a mutual friend of ours if the former was all right or if something had happened that would make her start behaving the way she did towards me. This mutual friend of ours said she couldn't think of anything and tried to rationalize the behavior the former was displaying towards me (e.g., jet lag, known habitual mood swings, homesickness). I've tried talking to her after apologizing, yet I was always met with contrived gestures of amiability or coldly diregarded. I have no time nor reason to accommodate for the whims of such people. I've grown tired of wondering what I can do to please others when it is me who is wronged. Why must I consciously expose myself to insults and disrespect? It's absurd to do so.

In the past few days and weeks, I've come across people I can call friends and confidants. They don't intentionally initiate arguments with me, but instead work with me to come to a mutual understanding. I've found those that I can laugh with, respectfully debate with, and share myself with. Sure, I've come across others that I cannot get along with and I just let them be. There are those that cannot handle my vulgar sense of humor, my philosophies, or the fact that I am homosexual, amongst other things. That's what I've learned about this world: I cannot be friends with everyone I come across nor should I expect to be. The best thing I can do is offer my respect and desire to reach a common ground. Meanwhile, if such an offer is rejected, then there is nothing I can do but walk away.

I have in my possession an opportunity to experience new cultures, meet interesting individuals, and realize a different way of being. It's a chance for me to explore new channels of interests and attempt to connect with those that I never would have expected to build relationships with. What I must focus on throughout this journey, or perhaps even for the rest of my life, is to be happy and stay happy. I must grasp opportune moments while letting go of those that have no reason to stay.

This world is full of too much beauty and wonders. One must not worry him or herself with those that cannot improve the experience of such wonderful, worldly things.

KC